Next Stop…
“The snake which cannot cast its skin perishes” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
We have all become acutely aware of the scale, scope, and speed at which change happens. This has only been exacerbated by the recent COVID-19 pandemic and the global discussions of a “new normal” — an unknown to which we have no choice but to adapt. There has been a tectonic shift in the construct of our lives, without our ability to participate in the decision-making process. Understandably, this has left many feeling lost, stuck, or like victims.
Lately, people have reached out to me, expressing confusion and exhibiting contradictory emotional reactions. I hear comments such as, “I’m worried about my job, but I’m not sure I really like what I was doing,” or, “I dislike working from home, but I’m grateful for more time with my family,” or, “I definitely needed a break, but now I feel like I’ll never get back to doing what I love.”
The world seems to be suspended in limbo, which brings to mind The Waiting Place in Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!”
“Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for the wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.”
The Waiting Place is far from the luxury of an Emirates Airlines First Class Lounge. Instead, it’s more akin to being in an old, dilapidated bus station, slowly getting intoxicated by the fumes of a rusty old bus while attempting to peel off a stubborn bologna sandwich stuck to the last available seat. Can anyone else envision the grimy Port Authority in New York City circa 1970? My sincere apologies to those of you who can relate to that special feeling of trying not to pass out while waiting in Port Authority.
So, how does one escape The Waiting Place?
First and foremost, you need to have a clear destination in mind. Have recent events given you the time to reflect, and do you now have this inkling that something better awaits you around the corner? Have you felt the gentle nudge from your internal GPS indicating that you’re veering off course?
However, making a deliberate decision to venture into a new direction, even as you hear your internal GPS recalculating the route, is no easy feat. Stepping out of our comfort zone can be overwhelmingly daunting. Images of the haunted forest and the battling trees from the Wizard of Oz flash in our minds, causing us to instinctively duck for cover as dozens of rotten apples speed in our direction. We hastily sprint out of the forest, only to find ourselves in the meadow of “buts.”
Ah, the potent power of “but” — I daresay it’s even mightier than the red poppies Dorothy encountered. “I’d really like to make ‘this’ change in my life, but…”
“But” halts us in our tracks, igniting the excuse machine. “But — I don’t have the time, money, flexibility, but I’m too old, but the economy, etc.” Yet, over time, “but” leads to feelings of guilt, self-betrayal, regret, resentment, discouragement, disappointment, anxiety, sadness, and eventually depression. It’s not a particularly appealing cocktail of emotions, if I may say so myself.
“Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.” — Arthur Burt
To foster personal growth, it’s imperative to neutralize the power of “but.” We must recalibrate our belief systems to embrace new levels of self-awareness, as the Oracle pointed out to Neo in the Matrix: ‘Know Thyself.’ Achieving this involves, like so much in consciously building a life, recognizing your core values and clearly defining your life vision.
Next, it’s essential to assess the narratives you tell yourself — question if they are genuinely true or if they are entwined within a limiting belief paradigm. These are pivotal steps in discovering a solution or direction that resonates with your current self and your place in life.
You may wonder, “How can one minimize the fear of change?”
Here are some valuable tips:
1. Remind yourself that this is not your first experience with change. There have been numerous instances where you took risks, confronted change, and emerged successfully from your comfort zone. Often, we tend to keep the memories of things that “went wrong” at the forefront of our minds for self-protection. Instead, delve deep into the recesses of your memory and acknowledge your many triumphs.
2. Many books emphasize the power of taking small steps for a reason. If you’re hearing the call of change, take those initial, small steps to test the waters. For example, decide to engage with someone who has undergone a similar change, volunteer in that sector, or commit to attending a class or seminar on the subject. Sample the change you desire.
3. Shift your focus away from fearing failure exclusively. Ask yourself, “What if I succeed?” rather than fixating on “What if I fail?” Does the idea of success empower you? If so, use it as a potent source of energy to overcome the inertia of change. If not, perhaps the change you’re contemplating is not genuinely what you desire, but rather a diversion from something else in your life.
4. Acknowledge that you cannot predict the future, and that’s perfectly okay. Avoid getting lost in an endless cycle of scenario analysis in search of the perfect move forward. Perfection is an illusion, and ceaseless calculations and recalculations will only amplify the fear of change. Excessive research will eventually reach a point of diminishing returns.
5. Seek a mentor. This mentor could be a family member, friend, colleague, clergy member, psychologist, or coach. Having a mentor will save you a substantial amount of time by offering advice and guiding you through potential obstacles along your path. Just as Luke had Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda, Harry had Hagrid and Dumbledore, and Neo had Morpheus, a mentor can provide invaluable support and guidance.
“It marks a big step in your development when you come to realize that other people can help you do a better job than you could do alone.” ― Andrew Carnegie
Change is inevitable and a fundamental aspect of our human existence. It signifies that we are alive, providing us with the opportunity to evolve, learn, grow, and extend our comfort zone. Change is the stage where we unveil our true character. By actively engaging with the changes in our lives, we undergo a transformation. On the other hand, letting change occur passively results in conformity. Transformation certainly sounds like the preferable option, doesn’t it?
It’s time to break free from The Waiting Place. Our next destination? Possibility in Action®
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing…” — Maya Angelou
Robert Pardi | Life Coach | www.robertpardi.com |#possibilityinaction
