Resilience — It’s Not for the Select Few
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
According to physics, resilience is the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation, especially caused by compressive stress. Ho-hum. In simpler terms, it’s the ability of a “strained body” to return to its original state after a period of duress. Are you already yawning? Hang in there, because it’s about to get interesting!
My life has taught me that resilience isn’t just about returning to an original state but about improving it.
Change is a constant presence in our lives, and we should celebrate it because without change, we would wither away, or to put it more bluntly, we’d decay rather than evolve. Yet, many people view change as a threat or obstacle, forgetting that we are inherently adaptable — otherwise, we’d still be hunched over with our hands dragging on the ground, looking for Fred and Barney. Okay, let’s not delve into the topic of our daily posture with all of us hunched over our phones, but I’m sure you get the point.
Unfortunately, resilience often seems to be portrayed, or rather marketed, as a quality for the elite few. Can I just say, in my opinion, that is pure nonsense?
I firmly believe that each of us possesses the ability to bounce back, recover, adapt, and adjust.
In the 1960s, researchers discovered that we are born with only two inherent fears: the fear of being dropped and the fear of loud noises. Nonetheless, as we grow, we learn to categorize change into two groups: THREATS or OPPORTUNITIES.
Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, making it easier to default to the “danger Will Robinson” setting and crank up the fear machine. Remember Willy Wonka and the Everlasting Gobstopper machine? There you go — you create Everlasting Progress Stoppers, in other words, fears. This doesn’t mean you lack resilience; it means you’ve left the machine running on autopilot and haven’t exercised your resilience.
From a young age, I had to confront difficult situations, providing me with the opportunity to train my resilience muscle. I thank the universe every day for those experiences. Why, you may ask? Well, those experiences equipped me to support my amazing wife in achieving her goals throughout her challenging illness. After her passing, I once again leaned on resilience to rebuild my life. These events solidified what I believe is a formula anyone can follow to rediscover their resilience.
It’s essential to understand that I view resilience as nothing more than a philosophy — “punto e basta” (plain and simple). Something that needs to be intentionally and deliberately practiced in your life. You can think of resilience as the inevitable outcome of a cumulative process of becoming aware of your own internal strength and adaptability.
It’s the ability to consciously shift your thought process from a victim mentality to that of a “THRIVER.” The idea is to bounce beyond — not to just be a survivor.
Over time and with practice, you’ll find your default changing from “danger” to “why would I succumb now when I’ve already come so far?” You’ll have thoughts such as “you don’t get to be swallowed up by this, not after all you’ve already been through.” Over time, you’ll stand tall, viewing life from the plateau of opportunity.
“Throw me to the wolves and I will come back leading the back” — Seneca
That said, my life has shown me that resilience is found at the intersection between Purpose, Perspective, and Personal Power, [3Ps] — with personal power being fueled by Vulnerability, Positivity, Levity, and Letting Go.
Purpose:
What are your key values? What makes you look forward to today?
“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Perspective:
What stories are you telling yourself? What are the real truths in what is happening? What limiting beliefs are you carrying?
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” — Theodore Roosevelt
Personal Power:
I believe personal power is the sum of 4 key elements:
- Vulnerability — This is the doorstep to your power and failing to step through will impede your personal power from being fully manifested. Vulnerability is the seed of true courage. Speaking for myself, I grew up with a belief that to “go it alone” was to be valiant — self-reliance was a sign of a strong person. Over time, I found the most courageous, helpful, and rewarding thing one can do is to reach out when in need — whether it be to friends, family, or a professional figure such as a Life Coach. Vulnerability is such an important component of your personal power and I strongly suggest watching this TED Talk by #brenebrown
- Positivity — This is the skill to acknowledge the positive things happening in your life regardless of what is going on around you. Do not color your entire experience as negative when going through difficult times — celebrate the positive things, regardless of how insignificant you might be defining them.
- Levity — Take the time to seek out humor daily — no matter how dire a situation presents itself to be. This allows you to be bigger than the situation and laughing in the face of adversity can profoundly diminish the negative feelings constricting your personal power. For those of you that are fans of #harrypotter, like me, you can think of this as akin to the Riddikulus spell. A spell used by the students at Hogwarts to combat a Boggart — a representation of each student’s hidden fear — by turning it into something funny — ridiculous.
- Letting Go — Resentment is one of the most lethal poisons we can ever ingest. It fuels the belief that something is happening to us. The Buddha said that resentment is like picking up a hot coal to throw at who (or what) we are mad at. Regardless of hitting the target — it is the one who throws the coal that is burned the worst. Instead of living from a perspective of “why is this happening to me?” — try this perspective out for size — “how can I use this?”.
“Personal power is not the end of the process. It is a tool that you use to get someplace.” — Frederick Lenz
Remember, you can’t go to the gym and start bench pressing hundreds of pounds on day one — therefore be patient with yourself, and slowly your resilience will reveal itself. It’s always been inside you, if it wasn’t, the human race would not have survived, evolved nor innovated.
Robert Pardi | Life Coach| www.robertpardi.com | #possibilityinaction
