What if We Start Chasing Life?

I would like to share a story with you, or better yet, take you on a brief yet hopefully inspiring journey.

It was August 2009 in New York City, and I found myself gazing out over Central Park from the 11th-floor windows of Mount Sinai Hospital’s Palliative Care Wing. This was the very same teaching hospital where my wife, Desiree, had graduated years earlier with a combined MD/Ph.D. I vividly remembered the joy on her face and the tears streaming down mine during her graduation. In fact, when she appeared on The Graduating Against the Odds episode of The Oprah Winfrey show in 2002, the camera panned to me in the audience, and Oprah later teased me off-camera about my “ugly cry.” What can I say, when it came to Desiree, I was and always will be a softy.

But on this particular day, many years later, there were no tears. I couldn’t allow it. Desiree was nearing the end of her courageous battle with cancer, a journey that had taught us profound lessons about the meaning of life, self-actualization, living life to the fullest, finding joy in the present moment, and the value of the ordinary.

I had been fortunate to meet Desiree early on, a woman who broadened my horizons and unknowingly helped me develop latent coaching skills. She was an extraordinary person, and her approach to her illness was so remarkable that The New York Times featured a front-page story about her on Easter Sunday in 2010.

Following the completion of her Ph.D. in October 1998, Desiree eagerly took a one-year sabbatical to join me in the United Arab Emirates, where I had embarked on a new job. Both of us believed in taking risks, challenging our comfort zones, and savoring experiences. Yet, we were unprepared for the unknown territory we soon found ourselves in. On Thanksgiving in 1998, at the age of 31, Desiree was diagnosed with Stage 3B Breast Cancer.

The emotional rollercoaster started at an astonishing speed, descending down the first drop and taking us through a series of corkscrew twists and turns for the next 11 years. We were on this ride without restraints, gripping the safety bar with white knuckles, a far cry from the typical amusement park “woohoos.” Instead, there was an eerie silence, brought on by the overwhelming fears that had us in their grip.

Yet, it didn’t take us long to realize that our emotions were shaping the clay of our lives. Drawing from the tough life lessons we had both learned as children, we discovered a shared resilience that proved crucial in forming our battle plan: “take no prisoners, move forward with positivity, live consciously, and never look back.”

In my role as her co-pilot, I instinctively and without hesitation assumed various roles: caregiver, Rock of Gibraltar, a source of hope, and an impromptu life coach. As I learned to navigate this new, improvised aircraft, I formulated my definition of purpose — when values align with passions.

I came to understand that purpose is when your actions lead you into a state of flow, where life presents no resistance. It’s when you feel compelled to share the outcomes of your efforts rather than hoarding them for personal gain or pleasure. This purpose can be as simple as preparing a meal for someone, fighting world hunger, or anything in between. My purpose was crystal clear: to carry my wife as far as she could go, knowing I could never save her.

Desiree’s diagnosis initiated our journey of self-exploration. It became abundantly clear that everything that happens in one’s life is an ingredient in “their recipe.” Instead of succumbing to anger, we learned to ask if we were content with ourselves.

I encourage you to ask yourself that question now.

If your answer is yes, celebrate every facet of your life, for it has collectively shaped who you are. If your answer is that you are not happy, I recommend scrutinizing the reasons behind your unhappiness and taking responsibility for your life by making changes where you can. As for the aspects you cannot change but wish to — acknowledge them, accept them, utilize them, but refuse to let them define you. Always remember, we are not defined by what happens to us but by the choices we make in response.

Desiree refused to let “disease” define her. She viewed her diagnosis as “the gift of motivation,” as it forced her to contemplate her mortality. This motivation drove her to embrace life fully and fight for her dreams.

In fact, her entire existence became an example of learning from life’s experiences and the power of choice — the only thing truly under our control. Her life was a testament to the concept of choice — how she wanted to live and how she chose to confront death. Her journey revealed that leading a fulfilling life involves conquering fear to live in harmony with your core values.

“In the face of life’s challenges, we find our true strength, and in embracing every moment with unwavering courage, we uncover the boundless possibilities within us.” — Robert Pardi

Now, what in your life can you look at with fresh eyes today? What catalyst have you been overlooking that could unlock your inner strength, setting you free to pursue your dreams? What insights can you apply to uncover and heal your deepest wounds, transcend your conditioning, change your limiting beliefs, and eliminate negativity in your life, allowing you to embark on the path you’ve been yearning to follow?

In other words, how can you rewrite your story, empower yourself, and become “Possibility in Action®”?

These questions guided me in rewriting my own story after her passing, motivating me to explore new, meaningful paths — becoming a certified life coach and relocating to Italy.

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” — C.S. Lewis

We often fret about our lifespan — how long we can or will live. I hope this brief story emphasizes that it’s not the duration of our lives that truly matters, but how completely we embrace life. Desiree scarcely paused for a moment; her enthusiasm was boundless. She chose to pursue life from all angles, living it spherically and in myriad directions. I would even venture to say that Desiree lived an intensely accelerated life, ensuring that every moment was worthwhile. I hope her life and my journey have served as an inspiration for you to step out there, to chase life, and to embark on the journey of living your best life.

“Life is long if you know how to use it.” — Seneca

Robert Pardi | Life Coach | www.robertpardi.com |#possibilityinaction